Surrogates & Baby Showers: Navigating the Celebration with Grace

Baby showers are such a joyful celebration, an afternoon filled with love, gifts, and excitement for the new arrival. But for surrogates, the invitation to attend an intended mother’s baby shower can bring a mix of emotions and questions.

Should you attend? What should you bring? Where should you sit? And how do you make sure the focus stays on the parents-to-be?

Let’s talk about how to approach a baby shower as a surrogate in a way that honors both the parents’ special day and your unique role in their journey.

1. It’s Okay to Politely Decline

While many intended parents would be honored to have their surrogate join the celebration, not every surrogate feels comfortable attending—and that’s completely okay.

If you’d prefer not to attend, you can kindly decline with a message like:

“Thank you so much for inviting me! I’m so honored to be part of your journey and so excited for you, but I’d love for this day to be all about you. I’ll be celebrating with you in spirit!”

You might also send a small gift or card ahead of time to show your support.

2. Choosing the Perfect Gift (Without Overthinking the Budget)

It’s natural to worry that your gift might be perceived differently—especially since you’re receiving compensation as part of the surrogacy journey. But here’s the truth: a gift is a gesture of love and support, not a financial transaction.

Gift ideas for $25–$50:

• A personalized baby blanket or onesie

• A cute set of board books

• A framed print for the nursery with the baby’s name or initials

Gift ideas for $50–$100:

• A high-quality baby carrier

• A personalized diaper bag

• A gift card to a favorite baby store

Gift ideas over $100:

• A group gift with friends or family for a big-ticket item from their registry

• A splurge item you know they’ll love (like a fancy stroller accessory or keepsake furniture piece)

The most important thing? Choose something that feels personal and thoughtful—big or small.

3. Keeping the Spotlight on the Mother-to-Be

It’s possible that when you walk in, friends and family will want to meet you, hug you, or thank you for carrying the baby. While that’s a sweet gesture, it can unintentionally shift focus from the intended mother.

Here are a few ways to gently redirect the attention:

• Redirect with words: “Thank you so much—that means a lot. Isn’t [Intended Mother’s Name] just glowing today?”

• Physically position yourself slightly to the side or in a support role—like jotting down gifts during present opening.

• Shift conversation topics back to the baby or nursery when people ask about your pregnancy.

4. Finding Your Comfort Zone

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Some surrogates cherish being part of this milestone with the intended parents; others prefer to celebrate privately. The important thing is to honor your comfort level while showing love and respect for the family you’re helping create.

Whether you attend in person, send a gift, or simply share your well wishes, your role in this journey is already one of the most meaningful gifts they’ll ever receive.

💬 Surrogates, have you ever attended an intended mother’s baby shower? How did you handle it? Share your tips in the comments below!